Christian Problems

So, back in my working days in Washington D.C., I was talking to a guy, Jonathan, about my faith.  As I explained that I am a Christian, the guy got very thoughtful and then asked, "Oh!  You're one of those Christian people.  Does that mean that you like...um...retreats???"

Only on a retreat....

I busted out laughing.  Best response I have ever encountered when trying to engage someone in a spiritual discussion.  And he said the word "retreats" like its a word he had only heard and never spoken aloud.

It got me thinking that Christians have their own..."things".  And NO I don't mean the normal things like boycotting Prime time TV shows or hating Democrats.  I also am not talking about our theological stances on baptism or the Trinity.   But, like, we have our own culture.

So, today, I thought I would take you through some of the more awkward things...like the pressure to go on those retreats...about being a Christian.

Christian Problems

1.  Retro-active Prayer

Christians, especially in youth group, LOVE to ask for things retro-actively.  True story.  A girl, on Sunday, asked for prayer for a test she took last Friday.  She didn't study very hard and she doesn't think she did a good job.  Of course, God is not bound by time, BUT, still, its an awkward moment for the group.  How do you go about praying for her.  "Um, please help Stacy to have remembered to study harder"???  In this particular instance, my genius brother raised his hand and said, "Um, Pastor Jay?  I would also like to ask for retro-active prayer.  The Israelites are fleeing from the Egyptians and they need to cross the Red Sea."

2.  Over-zealous Boys

Poor pubescent boys.  They are taught over and over again to control their "thought life".  And, absolutely, that is based on Jesus' teachings that its not just what you do, but its what is in your heart.  However, boys, please...keep this struggle to yourselves.  Its never awesome to be a 19 year old girl (let's just say...not that this happened to me) minding your own business, when a guy comes up to you and says, "Um, I'm sorry, but your tank top is causing me to stumble."  Or WORSE is when a guy comes up and says, "I need to apologize to you but I can't say why."  Oh...my...word...

3. Tithing in the Computer Age

My husband and I are terrible tithers.  There, I said it.  SO, we worked it out with our bank and our church to do an automatic bill-pay type of thing.  I know, I know, it takes the joy out of presenting that money to the Lord, but for bad tithers you either do automatic bill pay or you don't give at all.

Anyhoo, knowing that we have already given for the month doesn't make life any less awkward when we are passing the plate on Sunday.  I'm tempted to just throw in an empty envelope.  Or, what I REALLY want to do is pull a T-shirt out of my purse during the offertory, and slip it on over my dress.  It would read, "We do Bill Pay...Everything's Cool."

4.  Small Group Dynamic

Once you are out of  the main service, everything is about Small Groups.  Sunday School classes, Bible studies, etc.  You get used to nodding your head and whispering, "Mm...uh-huh...good point" as people talk.  But every once in a while, someone says something like, "Well, I just love this passage in Colossians because it really shows how if it weren't for Adam and Eve sinning in the garden we'd all be perfect and therefore we should never name children Adam or Eve or else that sin will be passed down to our families." 

You start with your "Mm...uh-huh...good p..." Wait.  What did she just say???  The air in the room suddenly gets thick as our collective mind starts yelling at the other people to say something to correct her, but no one wants to be that person!!  The lady stops speaking.  The room is silent.  No one is making eye contact with anyone.  The silence itself sends the appropriate message...hopefully.  The leader just goes, "Interesting.  WELL! Back to Colossians..."

5.  Christian Music

That moment when you hear Chris Tomlin's "Our God is Greater" or MercyMe's "I Can Only Imagine" on the radio and think, "UGH, I am so sick of this song!"...and then in the next breath feel that you must apologize to God.

6.  Bonfires

Every "retreat???" (thanks to Jonathan, I can never say that word the same again) ends with a bonfire.  The Bonfire always takes the same coarse.  The leaders asks people to come up and share their thoughts on the weekend.  Its quiet...people stare at the ground pretending to concentrate...you only hear the fire hissing and popping.  The leader encourages someone to be the first.  FINALLY the good girl gets up (that would be me...will someone ever release me from this burden???).  The Bonfire Traffic slowly pics up.  Some stories are touching, some stories are from the kids of that lady who won't name people Adam or Eve.  Then it happens.  Someone begins to cry as they talk.  The floodgates have opened.  Every one who gets up to speak is now sobbing.  Good Girl thinks of something else to say so she gets up again so that she can have her turn at a poignant moment (again, first hand experience!).  The crying only ends when the leaders start a song to end the night.  It happens.  every. time. 

My friend calls is "Cri-a-reah"...because its uncontrollable.  Tee hee.

7.  The Word "Agape"

We get taught one Greek work and we think we are theologians.  There are 3 different words for love in Greek.  Agape is friendship.  Eros is sexual.  We love to crack jokes like, "Oh my word, I LOVE Steven Curtis Chapman.  Well, I don't "EROS" him...HA!...I just super "AGAPE" him!!" 

I love my faith (agape!!).  I believe in the power of prayer.  I am raising my son to have a pure heart. I know no one cares if I don't tithe on Sunday or if I say something crazy in class.  And I adore worship music and I even love a good cry at a bonfire. 

But I love my faith more when I think of its quirks and the quirky people that make up a body of believers.  There are more...sooooo many more.  But let's save those for another post, shall we?  We wouldn't want to get a case of "Blog-a-reah"....not nearly as catchy.