The Kill Factor

I am not sure that anyone would ever describe me as "mild-mannered".

I'm pleasant, to be sure, but beneath the brunette ponytail, Sara's Secret relaxwear and neo-retro Mickey Mouse T-shirt (Disney World Park Exclusive, of course) lies a hot piping little volcano of molten rage and bubbling indignance.

My friend once described it as "an acute sense of justice."

My diplomatic cousin once said that I'm nice but that I "just CARE too much...about...everything..."

Okay, lets go with that.  Inside me lies a hot piping little volcano of molten care and bubbling justice.

I'm not always in a rage, but would say that most things in my life can be measured by its Kill Factor.  As in, a scale of 1 to 10, how much to I want to kill a person, place, thing or idea.

"Urge to kill rising...rising.."

Its simple, really.

Lady who holds up the line at the grocery store because, having already paid, they still want to chat it up with the cashier - KILL FACTOR 1

The girls in my dorm that would throw parties in the hallway at 3 am when I had an 8am Music Theory class - KILL FACTOR 9.9

In between there, you have an entire host of situations and Kill Factors.

Airports, for instance:

Guy who dropped a deuce in the airplane bathroom then left it in there for my son and I to behold - KILL FACTOR 7

Girl  in front of me who decided that the airport was the BEST place to wear her mini-dress with several metal zippers while also displaying 4 of her favorite metal body piercings and yelling at the Security Agent for making her take off her most comfortable 5 inch stilletos - KILL FACTOR 9

Entertainment:

Caillou, Max and Ruby, and Sponge Bob - KILL FACTOR 5

Self-righteous, pretentious celebrities who look down on people who don't re-purpose their Snickers wrappers into home decor - KILL FACTOR 9

Parenting:

Parents who yell at other people indirectly by talking loudly to their children.  As in, "Its okay, Bobby, I'm sure that lady REALLY has to go to the bathroom or she would never make us stand here behind her in line!" - KILL FACTOR 4

Daughter calling me fat - KILL FACTOR 8.97

Marriage:

Desperately needing sleep but having to listen to Mr. MacSnorington next to you - KILL FACTOR 9.9999 (I'm sleepy!  My Kill Factor is more intense!)

Having a terrible day at home, sauteing vegetables on a hot stove while kicking the children with one foot as a barely effective form of corporal punishment, and counting the seconds until Spouse gets home.  Only to have him call and say his meeting ran late and he won't be home for another hour.  TRUE...not his fault...but the emotion at the time equals - KILL FACTOR 9.9998

Now, there are rules to the Kill Factor.  You can NEVER have a Kill Factor of 10.  Kill Factor 10 means that you actually went through with it.  It means that you will get 25 years in the slammer.  So, keep it under control, count to 10, pray, drop down instantly into your favorite yoga pose, or maybe just do a little light murdering in your head before banishing the thought forever.  I won't judge you.

And, some things don't necessarily require a Kill Factor, just an Eye Roll factor.  Like, people who insist on calling God a "she" - EYE ROLL FACTOR 8

Family Fun Magazine - EYE ROLL FACTOR 6

See?  And of COURSE some things give me a feeling of love and encouragement.  We'll call it a LOVE BURST FACTOR.  But Kill Factors seem much more handy to a person who gets fairly disconcerted by "other people" not "doing what I want them to". 

What things raise your Kill Factor levels? 

Things I Love: French Press Coffee

Well, here I sit in my red fancy ball gown, white gloves, and my hair in an alluring chignon (I can type that word, but honestly, I cannot pronounce it) ready to tell you about my new Thing I Love...my French Press Coffee Maker.


I got one from my Grandma Lynn for Christmas.  I was wary, I admit.  I do not like coffee.  As I have explained before, it makes my tummy feel as if I have gulped down battery acid. 

I gave this thing a try because, deep down, I really do want to be fancy, and the red dress and gloves were just not cutting it.  Let me tell you. 

It. Was.  Amazing.

The coffee was so good!  It was very smooth, did not hurt my tummy, and only required half of the sugar and milk that I normally require to down the stuff. The key is Essential Oils. 

I read the words "French Press Coffee is so good because it retains the essential oils that are lost when making coffee with a filter in a drip coffee maker." and immediately thought, "Oh, yes...Essential Oils!  The Magazines always say those are good things."  But had no idea what that meant. 

Essential Oils are the "essence" of the coffee bean.  They are the flavor and aroma of the bean.  They are lipids and colloids (please...don't make me do more research to figure out what THOSE are...I don't like to "look things up") that get trapped in paper filters and cause you to have very little natural flavor using the traditional drip method. 

PLUS, with a drip coffee maker, water is quickly passed over the grounds.  A French Press steeps the coffee grounds in hot water for a couple minutes.  Its a beautiful thing.

So, here's what you do.

1.  Spend very little money and get yourself a French Press.  They are ridiculously cheap.  I have this one. By BonJour.

2.  Put 1 TBS of "coarsely ground" coffee in the main container.  1 TBS/ cup...more or less depending on how you like your coffee.  And if you only have normally ground coffee, that's fine.  I had "Eight O'Clock French Vanilla" in the house and it worked great.

3.  Boil your serving of water (or microwave it for 2-3 minutes, its easier), and pour it in the main container with the coffee grounds.

4.  Place the top on and let it steep for 4 minutes.

5.  Be sure to turn the top so that the black splash screen is over the spout.  Here's a pic...see that little black thing over the spout?

6.  After 4 minutes, press the filter down slowly through the coffee...this is removing all the grounds.  My camera is broken, but here's a google pic of the filter looking down at it.

7.  Turn the top so that the splash screen is at the back and a little filter covers the spout (reference the first picture for a look at the spout filter) and pour out your magnificently perfect brew into a mug to enjoy.

Its very very simple.

Why this coffee does not hurt my tummy is beyond me.  Probably has something to do with those Essential Oils (said, every time, with kind of a haunted, dreamy voice). 

Plus, there is the Fancy Factor.  AND the Cheap Factor.  Because to make coffee for one person in a drip brew  you either need a high tech, wiz bang Krupp thingy or to make at least 4-6 cups in a normal coffee pot.  However, your handy dandy French Press can make up to 8 cups, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Coffee!

Things I Love: GOOD Christmas Songs

Okay, after ripping on some of the more tacky of our festive songs, I should probably tell you some of my favorites.  I would also love to hear yours!  Mine run the gamut of the sacred/secular and contemplative/cheezy scales.

1.  Hark the Herald Angels - Like many hymns, it took me several years to really understand the importance of this song.  The melody is very sweet and lyrical.  Almost like a children's song . But do not be mistaken.  The verses guide you through the most important tenets of the Christian faith.  It is a beautifully singable song of deep theological meaning. 

Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth

This is basically Philippians 2 in verse form.  And, yes, I am proudly "one of those" that believes utterly and completely that Jesus did "lay His glory by" in order to step onto our sinful earth.  Born to conquer death. Wow.  Please don't be pacified to sit back and sing this as if you could easily transition into Jingle Bells. Great song.

2.  All I Want for Christmas is You - The Mariah Carey version all the way!  I know, its a departure from  a hymn about the Incarnation, BUT, come on!  I can't help it.  I have to sing every word.  And each year my goal is to achieve one more impossible Mariah Carey trill as she sings the entire musical scale in 6 seconds. It will happen!  

3.  Linus and Lucy - From Charlie Brown's Christmas...and again...now I feel so lame listing things other than songs about Jesus...but I just adore Vince Guaraldi, the composer of that special.  He is a genius.  I can't think of another children's cartoon Christmas special with such magnificent music.  If I could play this song on the piano I would be happy.  And, if by some Christmas miracle, my husband suddenly learned to play this on the piano for me...um, yeah...that would do it for me.  No joke.  Also, each year I have a new favorite dancer from that song.  This year, it is the girl with the Naturally Curly Hair.

4.  What Are You Doing New Year's Eve - They play this alot on Sirius XM's Holiday Traditions station.  I love it because it reminds me of that super romantic and intense phase of a relationship where you have fallen hard for someone.  This couple in this song probably met at Thanksgiving.  So awkward!  And now, they know they are special enough to each other to spend New Year's Eve together, but of course they have that midnight kiss to look forward to.  You say yes to that date and you are saying yes to much more.  Couple that with the sultry lyrics and music and I get swoon-y every time.

5.  I Heard the Bells - The story behind this song is compelling.  Side note:  pay attention to your old hymns.  Its easy to think, "A song about bells...wow, how cheesy", but do some research.  Think about the words of these types of song.  Let them steep in your brain for a while.  They are a treasure.   Anyways, here's the deal.  The author lived during the Civil War.  It was a dark time.  The quick victory was now stretching into years of turmoil, destruction, death, and poverty.  No one wanted this thing to continue but the only way to make it stop was to keep going.  A truly miserable time for our nation.  Think of it.  Long lists were posted daily of the newly deceased.  Each day, you knew you had to go see that list, but to do so meant confronting the anticipation of seeing your loved one's name on that list.  Should they be safe one more day, you are still surrounded by the wails of wives, lovers, children, mothers and fathers who were not so lucky all around you.  The Bells tolled for the dead.   Here sits our author.  Hearing those Bells on Christmas Eve.  This time, tolling the forthcoming birth of Jesus.  But, the Bells have rung too many times to bring anything but despair.  However, somewhere in that despair, a thought...a truth is brought to mind.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men  

I sing those lines and I feel like I could do battle against an army of 10,000.   Its the rally cry of Christendom!  The disease, evil, and destruction of this world will not win!  Press on!  And to think, back at the time of Christ's birth...God had been silent for 400 years.  And then, with the cry of  a baby born in a dirty stable we can again say, "God is not dead!"    

And with that, I say Merry Christmas.  Bop to Mariah in your car, watch Charlie Brown's Christmas,  smooch a loved one, and may the Peace of God rule in your hearts this season!  

Things I Love, Part 6

Let me cut to the chase.  I love CeraVe.   Its changed my face.

Back Story Time!!!  I managed, during my teenaged years, to not struggle with acne very much.   During my pregnancies in my twenties, I had constant breakouts on my chin and around my mouth.  So nasty.  These came back about a year ago.  My skin routine was always the same, lots of Clearasil and anti-acne moisturizers, etc.  My goal was to strip away all the oil, leaving my skin with that squeaky clean feel, like after you clean your Tupperware and rub your finger across it..you know that sound?  Like a "uree, uree"...maybe that's just in my brain...

SO, then about 6 months ago, I decided that on top of having acne like a middle school student, I am also old. I start experimenting with those age reversal lotions with retinols in them.  These severely irritated my skin to the point where I would have to take a Benadryl every night just to keep my eyes from swelling up.

Luckily for me, I have a dear, sweet, beautiful, smart, and gracious friend who is a Physician's Assistant in the Dermatology field.  (You should really all get yourself one of those).  I sent her a text with a nasty picture of my eyes, asking for help, and expecting to hear that I would need to spend hundreds of dollars on specialized lotions to get the results I wanted.

Nope!  She recommended CeraVe.  Available at Walgreens, Walmart, and other such stores.

I was hesitant at first for two reasons.

First of all, I am cheap.  I bought the big Hyrdating Cleanser, the AM lotion and the PM lotion, per my friend's instructions.  Total, it may have cost me $40 at Walgreens.  To most of you, that's a good deal, but as a Midwest girl of Dutch descent, I don't like to spend $40 on anything.  However, these are not the tiny 1 oz. Oil of Olay containers.  Mine have lasted since August and I still have not had to run to the store for more.

Secondly, it was all moisture-based!  CeraVe proudly promises to protect your "moisture barrier"!  What?  This did not sound like a product for a pubescent, aging lady in her 30s.  Creamy cleansers were for wimps.

But my friend is smart and her skin is flawless, so I gave it a try.

Oh. My. Gosh.  It was awesome!!!

Results:  My skin is luminous.  My eye irritation is completely gone.  My face no longer looks red and irritated, as I also have mild rosacea.  AND...wonder of wonders...within a couple weeks my acne was completely cleared up and has never come back.  Any random spots are quickly cleared up, but I can usually trace those back to 4-year-old peanut butter hands touching my face.  And, something I wasn't expecting, the scars from the very harsh blemish cream that I used are not nearly as noticeable.  My skin seems to be repairing.   My sister has since started using it and also gives it rave reviews.


Why it works:  Okay, Science Time.  Most of this is courtesy of my smart, beautiful, P.A. friend.

Your skin, on a microscopic level, looks like a brick wall.  A new, pretty brick wall has straight lines, no cracks, no moisture getting into the bricks to damage them.  That is because of the mortar between the bricks.

The "mortar" of your skin is your moisture barrier.  It gets damaged all the time by genetics, exposure to the elements, and things like harsh skin products.  Your skin begins to look like an old brick wall.  Pretty scary.  With the mortar gone, cracks form, and foreign things like bacteria can get into your skin, which cause irritation and acne.

CeraVe has ceramides and lipids in it...these make up that precious "mortar" in your skin.  Using CeraVe has restored my moisture barrier and allowed my skin to heal from some of the damage I'd just done to it with all the chemicals I was using.

Now, it will NOT reverse aging.  It is "anti-aging" in that it will drastically slow down the process, but your genetics and past sun-exposure will require the help of a Dermatologist or some of those age-reversing lotions in stores.  However, CeraVe will help your skin look smooth and keep that supple, healthy look that most of us thought we'd lost forever.  I didn't realize that many of the "wrinkles" around my eyes were just my skin's cry for attention and moisture.  And, if any of you struggle with adult acne, this stuff is absolutely wonderful.

You will need:

Hydrating Cleanser - it comes in a foam, too, but I use the one that goes on like a lotion.  It takes some getting used to if you don't usually use creamy cleansers.

AM Lotion - this stuff REALLY slows down the aging process with its built-in SPF 30 Sunscreen.  It doesn't feel like a facial sunscreen, though, which is a relief.

PM Lotion - my favorite.  Its a great way to end the day.  You can almost feel your little skin cells saying "thank you"

If you have any questions about the products, let me know!  If I don't know the answer I will ask the Dermatologist P.A. that I keep in my pocket. 

Things I Love, Part 387

Four Christmases ago, I had an idea.  I was going to go house-to-house and pass out Christmas cookies.  This may seem like no big deal, but it was a very strategic and advantageous move on our part.

We had just moved into our house in October.  Having only moved from Michigan 6 months earlier to Atlanta, we were still trying to connect to the area.  It wasn't "home" yet.

In fact, my husband and I had moved several times before settling here.  We are nomads by nature.  His parents were in the military and my parents were in the ministry.  Both careers are a "family business" and often require a move every couple years.

This year's cookie cornucopia

In our eight years of marriage, we had moved seven times...not including a couple move-ins with my parents between houses.  Feeling settled and "connected" takes time, and we rarely had that opportunity.

So, you see Christmas Cookies are a "Thing I Love" because it allowed us to quickly get to know our neighbors.  I highly recommend it, even if you've lived in your neighborhood a long time.

And, it doesn't have to cost you a fortune.  That first year, I did my Mother-in-law's peppermint bark and my own peanut clusters.  Those bless-ed peanut clusters make 110 to a batch, so its alot of bang for your buck. I don't get fancy with the containers...just plastic or paper Christmas plates wrapped in saran wrap.

We have a huge neighborhood, so I am forced to relegate myself to the 14 or so houses in our cul-de-sac.  But, that first year, I instantly knew 14 neighbors.  I knew who I was waving to as they walked their dogs.  I knew their husband's name.  I learned about some different cultures and the different religious views in my little 14 house world.  And we've continued the tradition every year.

This year, think about going out of your comfort zone.  Its always a tentative feeling between ringing the doorbell and the neighbor coming to the door after they realize you are not a polite burglar.  But its so worth it.

Here's my two faithful recipes.  I've since added candy canes dipped in white chocolate with red sprinkles, stain glass cookies (not for the faint of heart), and either hershey kiss cookies or triple chocolate peppermint cookies.  But, if you are just getting started, here's some help:

Chocolate Peanut Clusters
Put 1 bar of German Chocolate cooking chocolate, 48oz. Almond Bark, and 12 oz. semi-sweet chocolate chips in a crock pot. Cover with 16oz. dry-roasted UNsalted peanuts and 16oz. dry-roasted salted peanuts. Put the lid on and set the crock pot on warm for 3 hours. Don't stir it. Don't lift the lid, don't do anything!! When the 3 hours are up, just stir it all together for a couple minutes until everything is completely melted and mixed together. Turn the crockpot off and spoon onto waxed paper and wait for it to cool.

Georgia's Peppermint Bark 

1/4 bag peppermint candies, crushed (you can also use candy canes...really, just mix in as much or as little as you like)

1 lb. bag candy melts (at Michael's, but they are expensive.  I use Kroger white chocolate chips to great effect.  Just make sure the chips have cocoa butter in them.  Don't use "chocolate flavored" stuff.  Keep it real)

1/4 tsp. peppermint flavoring

Crush peppermint with a mallet into small pieces.  Melt chocolate in a microwave bowl for 1 minute.  Stir.  Repeat for 30 seconds until melted.  Stir in flavoring and peppermints.  Place wax paper on a cookie sheet, then spread mixture on the was paper.  Put in fridge until cool  Cut into bit-size pieces.

 Okay, technically, they are not "Christmas Cookies"...but no one is going to complain.

Merry Christmas!  Happy Cookie Eating!

Polite Conversation

I love people.

I do.

People are great.

What I really hate is small talk.

I'm terrible at it.

However, if People want to talk about their kids, their careers, their jewelry-making hobby, I'm fine with that.

But, a certain type of People drive me a little insane.  In fact, there should be a rule.  Well, I guess there already is one, and I would like to add my own spin on it.

"When making polite conversation, never talk about money, politics, religion, or...the weather."

I know, the weather does not ruffle feathers or start drunken family fights at Christmas parties, but I feel that I have some valid points, so hear me out.

Point Number One. Here's the thing about weather...who honestly cares?  That point stands on its own.

Point Number Two. Upon arriving at a party, its a given that we have all just been in the same weather.  We already know that its a crystal clear night or that it looks like rain.  As we all converge on someone's house, should we also talk about the road we were all just on?

"Oh, my, that is some really gray asphalt in your neighborhood, Charlene!  Did anyone else notice how gray the asphalt was?"

"Roger and I were JUST talking about Charlene's road and commenting on the color."

"Well, Jim and I were completely distracted by the smooth texture to even notice the color.  How did you keep your road from being too bumpy, Charlene?"

No.  We do not talk about the road.  And I propose the same be true of the weather.

I suppose the only exception to my "No Weather" policy is if you have a fantastic anecdote to share.  I love a good anecdote.  If you once had a tornado rip through your neighborhood or you were dismayed to find that, on your once-in-a-lifetime trip to Hawaii that it actually snowed, those are good stories.

But I know People guilty of only talking about the weather.  Non-stop.  For hours.

"My goodness, Charlene, its breezy today!"

"Oh, it is breezy you are right!"

"Would you say its as breezy as it was on Tuesday?"

"Well...let's think about that...Tuesday was a fair-to-moderate breeze, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it a wind...and this breeze today doesn't seem anywhere near that caliber."

"Hm.  True.  But..(small laugh because this is getting really interesting)...ha!...NOTHING beats the Breeze of '98!  Remember the Breeze of '98, Charlene!"

"Oh, ho ho hoooo, how could I forget!  That breeze made all the leaves fall of that Japanese Maple in the front yard...was that a Japanese Maple?"

Oh. my. goodness.  And, the entire time, you are forced to sit there and go "Ah!" and "Oh, really?" while slowly and methodically trying to pierce your own torso with a dull butter knife because the pain reminds you that you are alive.

Of course, one could turn The Weather into an acceptable conversation topic with a little creativity.  Perhaps if we added a conceptual or metaphysical spin to the weather conversation?  Maybe questions like:

"So, Charlene, tell me, as a breeze expert...what separates a breeze from a wind, I've always been curious?"

Or

"You know, they say that every snow flake is completely different.  But, what if snow flakes were all exactly the same?  Does that change anything about your views on society?  God?  snowflake crafts?"

Yeah, you can talk about weather like that and I would be okay with it.

So, this holiday season,  please don't talk about the weather.  In fact, PLEASE explain to me how your politics are better than mine or give hints all night that your husband makes more money than mine does.  Its preferred over scintillating comments about the sudden drop in barometric pressure.

Things I Love, Part 4

I am not a "computer girl".  I don't "keep up with the latest technology".   I may "need a coach every time I use a Keurig".  I "say words like Wireless but in my head its a magical purple tube that sends words and pictures to the Happy Rectangle, which my husband calls the Computer Screen".

Howevs, there is one new technical computer thing that I LOVE.  Its Apple TV!

When my husband first thought about getting Apple TV, I was shocked when he came back from the Apple Store with this little guy.  I thought it was a TV made by Apple.  But this thing is awesome!!

For $99, this little black box allows us to click on our TV and have it run like an entertainment hub.  Here is the main interface...

Under Movies, you can purchase almost anything you can think of for $2.99 or $3.99 for HD.  No running out to the non-existent Blockbuster or to those horrid Box things that have 1 good movie and 15 Jennifer Aniston flicks.  (Oh snap, that's right.  I went there.)  TV shows are similar.

Under Music, Podcast, and Photos, you can stream anything from your computer.  And its seamless!  You just click on "Music" and there it all is.  Everything is stored on iCloud, which is like this big invisible storage space in the sky that hovers over your house and lets you pick up your iPad or iPhone, turn on your TV or grab your laptop and instantly have the exact same entertainment happening.  And there is NO downloading or uploading or whatever those words are.  Apple TV instantly stores your last 1000 photos from your computer and absolutely all your music from iTunes. 

The Internet tab is my FAVORITE!!!  You can pull up YouTube and Flickr, but the most important thing to us is Netflix...

We have cancelled our cable, saving us TONS of money, and have instead switched to Netflix's $7.99/month streaming plan.  There is plenty on there for our kids to watch.

The other day, I told them to eat their spinach so they could be strong like Popeye.  They looked at me like I had spinach coming out my ears.  After dinner, we turned on Apple TV, went to Netflix, clicked on "Popeye" and my kids got to watch a show that I watched, my parents watched, and my grandparents watched.  They also have all the cool stuff...which in our house means Phineas and Ferb.  Plus tons of movies and TV series.  I recently watched all 4 seasons of Mad Men when I was sick.

The other nice thing about Apple TV is that you can purchase other features.  Its like purchasing a gigantic Ap for your TV instead of your iPhone.  For instance, we purchased MLB TV so that I could watch the Detroit Tigers totally dominate until half way through the post season.

But the BEST part is this:  You forget that its a computer.  This is important to a non-computer girl.  After a while, its just TV.

I'm a little nervous that I am not getting this right.  I should've called in my Marital Tech Support to write this for me.  But maybe you need a commoner's point of view, and not someone who will use big technical words like "Gigs" or "Remote".   If you have any questions, though, write to Yankee Peach.  I will relay your questions to my MTS.

And congratulations.  You now have one more reason to visit the Apple Store.  

Things I Love, Part 3

I was a hopelessly bad dresser through college and the beginning of my professional life.  Any great moments of fashion brilliance were from casting a sideways glance at one of my gorgeous friends and trying to emulate her look without her realizing it.  I became an expert at the covert Old Navy clearance rack trip, getting cheap clothes that were MOSTLY like my friends' stuff but not enough to look like a psycho stalker room mate.

Thinking of my "business casual"-ware after college makes me shudder.  Lots of flare-legged kahkis with the kind of tops the girls on Friends wore...the kind that JUST showed a tiny bit of hip bone and mid-riff.

Just an every so slight lady-like sliver of abdomen.  Tres chic!

I hate to think of what showed from behind when I bent over in those low-rise pants!  Unfortunately, I think my look was heavy on the casual, light on the business, complete in its clueless-ness.

That all changed during a stroll through Pentagon City, a short walk from my apartment, when I met a lady.  A lady named Ann.  Last name Taylor.  Who lived in a Loft.  Wow, that's cheesy.

I really love Ann Taylor Loft, is what I'm trying to say.  I love actual Ann Taylor, but its way out of my price range.  I should take a moment to correct a misconception.  Loft is NOT the factory outlet for Ann Taylor!  Its the same, well-made clothing.  Just more casual.  They keep the prices down a bit, too, by trading tortoise shell buttons for plastic buttons, etc.  But, they maintain the same quality.

Soon after falling in love, I got a new job at a brilliant defense contracting company.  It was one of those Mary Tyler Moore, "you're going to make it after all", throw my hat up in the air, type situations.

GORGEOUS high rise!  7 story entry way with these new fangled things called flat screen TVs (the finest 2002 had to offer) that played CNN continually!  Secret clearance!  Cool badge that I had to swipe before being allowed into the holy of holies!  My own actual office! I was working with ex-military colonels, even generals, and suddenly I realized I needed to dress a little less like Friends and a little more like West Wing (again...2002).

So, I got a 2nd job...with my friend Ann:)  I cannot TELL you how awesome it was to get a paycheck from Ann Taylor Loft on Friday, turn right around and give it back, and walk out with an armful of clothing for 50% off the lowest price!  I felt like a millionaire just picking whatever I wanted!  And the difference it made in my attitude and the perception others had of me at work was almost instantaneous.  Right or wrong, clothes make the man.

Enough of the diary, here is why I love Ann Taylor:

Exhibit A - Silhouette

1.  The clothes are made to help women look good, not to make men think women look good.   Its about bringing out the confidence and elegance in a woman, without comprising her attractiveness or sexuality.  I can't stand the idea of dressing for a man, but I really enjoy looking good.  So, Ann Taylor fits my philosophy nicely.

2.  The clothes are less about letting it all hang out and more about silhouette.  I'm sounding like a prude, I get that.  But NOTHING beats a woman's silhouette.  Its a work of art, and it can be shown off with pride without looking desperately in need of all types of attention.  I wish more women focused on silhouette, not because of my holier than thou morals, but because its THE way to look beautiful and timeless. And it takes well-tailored, women-focused, clothing to make that happen.

3.  The design is classic.  My love affair with Ann Taylor is 10 years old.  Some pieces have come and gone, but my fully-lined, beautifully tailored suits, my cardigans, and most of my dresses have stood the test of time.  Sure, its not cheap like how I normally define cheap ($14.99 or less), BUT it is high value!

Exhibit B -  Well-tailored Power Suit

4.  They are well-made.  Shirts don't shrink.  Sleeves don't fray.  Elbows don't get worn out.  Pants are lined...which is important since ALL suit pants should be lined.  A suit is not that cheap rayon/polyester blend thing you pick up in the Junior's section at Kohls that shows your panties when you walk.  That last bit of opinion was for free.

Here's the other nice thing...each month Ann Taylor LOFT totally changes over their colors, textures, and fashions, so shop the 2nd half of the month to get the best deals while they are trying to get rid of  "October" to make way for "November".

Enjoy shopping and say hi to Ann for me!!!!  

Things I Love, Part 2

Its Friday!  Its Things I Love Day!!!!

I have a wonderful husband and two adorable children, aged 6 and 4.  Therefore, I could not mention "Things I Love" without dedicating a blog to my famil...wait, no...psh, where did THAT come from?

I meant Disney World.

My husband (the wonderful one) and I are dorks.  DORKS for Disney.   Holla back if you are, too!  Holla back if you aren't and can't see what the fuss is about and I will totally convince you otherwise.

A boring blogger would go on and on about the magic and the movies and the mouse and the...(m)alliteration that it inspires, but not here.  I will, instead, regale you in one of my favorite literary forms.  The List.

ahem

I love Disney (and you should, too) for the following reasons:

1.  You pay alot of money and not a single employee in that park takes that fact for granted.  EVERYONE is at their best.  The "textile services" folks (aka maids) are as friendly as the people who take your hand and lead you to Cinderella for a hug and a picture.  The guy helping you into the ride is just as much in character as the guy playing Aladdin in a parade.  The ever-lovin trash sweeper acts as honored to be working there as Minnie Mouse...although he probably talks more.  Its hard to plunk down that much money for a trip, but Disney truly lets you escape.  Which leads me to my next point..

2.  Disney rewards you for having an imagination.  I used to be able to play Barbies for hours.  Now, I sit there with my doll while my daughter makes up stories, and I got nothin'.  It pains me to realize that a part of of brain and my childhood has died.  You step into Disney, and its like you have stepped into imagination heaven!  Roy and Walt Disney were geniuses at awakening the imagination.  Every building, sign, smell, sound, food item, costume, etc., etc., etc. is there to separate your brain from the outside world and  let it spend a day with your long lost 7-year-old fantasies.   Did you know the park itself is constructed like a movie?  The path into the park has fake movie posters...like the previews you see in a theater.  Main Street, if you look closely, has names on all its top windows.  These are the "credits" that roll announcing who created this theme park/motion picture. The Castle sets the stage for the 'plots" which are the different parks.  In fact, each ride, if you notice, has a complete storyline built in.

3.  You cannot help but feel special, unique, and appreciated for who you are.  We have yet to go to Disney where something one-of-a-kind did not happen to make us feel like the only people in the park.  One time, my daughter got to have a makeover at Bibbity Bobbity Boutique.  We couldn't get in until 6pm, so her princess 'do was not noticed very much in the twilight hours.  My daughter made the best of it and felt very pretty.  At the end of the day, we hit up Its A Small World.  The worker looked at my daughter, ran back to her podium and came back with a book/pen. "Oh!  You look so pretty!  Would you sign my autograph book?"  My little girl...who had collected signatures all day from princesses...well, her eyes just lit up.  She was beaming.  Those Disney people are good :)  This isn't even the best story.  More posts to come!

4.  Disney will go out of their way...to the point of sometimes obvious inconvenience to themselves...to make your child with a special need feel like a rock star.  My children to not have a disability.  But my niece does.  THIS is why I am loyal to Disney until the day I die.  I watch my sister, her husband, and their kids fight to tell the world that their daughter with Down Syndrome is a beautiful, capable human being.  This is a daily reality for any family in their situation.  Disney is aware that my sister's family has chosen to spend their time and money in Disney World.  They will not stand for that daily struggle in their parks.  Its like they have some type of secret "special needs" radar.  Every parade...the characters come and shake my niece's hand.  TWICE, while standing in a line of several people to meet a group of princesses, someone has picked my sister's family to meet in a room for a private chat with Cinderella, Belle, and Aurora.  My favorite is when they were watching the Lion King show in Animal Kingdom.  The characters invite kids up to dance on the stage.  A zebra asked my niece to come up.  My sister said, "Um, she can't walk yet!"...a sad issue at the time since my niece was at least 6 months behind other kids.  That bless-ed zebra took the stroller...diaper bags swinging from the handles and all...and made SURE that NOTHING kept my niece from having her turn in the spotlight.

I'm literally a little bit in tears right now.  That's another thing you can expect at Disney that you can't get anywhere else.  Lots of "moments".  Moments where you are smiling but wiping a tiny tear away because you are touched by a kindness.  Moments where your child is in heaven and you make eye contact with your spouse as a way of saying, "This is worth it".

This is long and wordy for my blog....sorry!  But I. LOVE. Disney.  If you wanna go, but have questions.  Just leave a comment.  Its WORTH the money and the planning.

Things I Love

Seeing as how Yankee Peach is averaging between 30 and 60 page views per day, I figure that puts me on par with Oprah, as far as global impact.

SO!  Today is my first in a series that will cause tsunami-like waves of change called, "Things I Love".

First up.  Chai Tea.  Or, actually, Chai Latte. 

I really don't like coffee.  I don't like the taste, but even with lots of things loaded in, it makes my stomach feel like I drank paint thinner.  No amount of caramel spiced macchiato whipped soy frappe syrup with sprinkles can hide the paint thinner affect. 

But I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed the caffeine soooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly.

Then, my beautiful cousin, Jenny, suggested I try a Chai Latte..

Oh my goodness!!!  Its a beautiful thing.  Its like a spicey hot chocolate, minus the chocolate.  And its caffeinated, Lord bless it! 

I was instantly addicted.  No!  That's not true.  It was never an addiction.  It was an instant mutual affection that led to a lifelong commitment by both parties.  And the passion has not died, folks.

Well, for a little while there, "life" got in the way.  "Life" being that pesky husband who didn't like playing 3rd wheel to my Latte and paying (literally) heavily for it.  Those Chai's cost a fortune and I was getting 3-4 (or 5....or 7) a week!  I had to part ways.

Well, that same genius cousin who introduced me to my Love, also saved the relationship.  She had a box of Chai concentrate by Tazo in her cupboard.

"Wow," I said, "Must be nice to be able to afford that!  Its like 5 bucks in the store!"  (Have I ever mentioned that I sometimes say brazenly awkward things and that I am cheap?)

"Sara", said my super smart cousin who can do simple math for me when I need her to, "You spend $4 every time you get a chai at Starbucks, which you say you'll only do once a week but you always break down and get several times!  You'd be saving yourself tons of money!"

So, in truth, the actual Thing I Love is this:

This baby lasts me an entire week for $4. 

The directions are simple:

1.  Fill a microwaveable mug half full with milk
2.  Fill it the other half of the way with Tazo...maybe 1/4 of the way, depending on how strong you like it
3.  Microwave for 1 minute, 35 seconds...just trust me on that
4.  Stir
5.  Mentally detach yourself from the world around you as your mind achieves levels of nirvana not known since Ghandi ate his first grilled salmon after his 4 year fast, or however long he, um ...I don't know that much about Ghandi...but enjoy your chai!

Chai latte is a fantastic substitute for those who aren't 100% in love with coffee.  You get in a serving of calcium, its only 70 calories per serving, and apparently its Kosher...who knew?...and its the exact same stuff they use for the Chai's at Starbucks!

You can get the boxed Chai at fancy stores like Whole Foods OR at Kroger, Publix, and even Walmart in the coffee aisle.  OR, if you all look under your chairs you'll find a FREE box of CHAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!!!!

Shoot.  That's not true.  Stupid Oprah.  Maybe when I get to 100 hits per day...