The End of the World As We Know It (to be)

I felt I should add the (to be) in case REM slaps me with a lawsuit.  Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you be thinking about the REM song right now.  No circumstances!!

..."Lenny Bruce is not afraid"....DANG IT!

Its like some kind of a brain disease!  It just gets in there and it won't leave.

But, I saw something lately that made me gasp and think, "What is wrong with the universe?"  It was this:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Did we really need this?  Were Doritos and Taco Bell not causing enough problems in the world without needing to combine forces???  Did Morbid Obesity in America need anymore help?

What other treats must combine in order to bring on the Apocalypse?  Hmmmm.....

Skittle and Slurpees

Oh!  Maybe steak...but as a filling for a donut!

Or perhaps pizza sprinkled with Snickers.

Now I'm hungry.

There are other things that I believe will usher in the End Times. 

1.  Jane Seymour art and jewelry

Is it a snake?  Is it, as a hilarious Mother's Day post on FB declared, supposed to remind me of boobs and a butt?  Or, like, two eagle's talons as they are about to rip each other apart? Or flamingos pecking at each others' necks?!?  Gracious sakes!  Make it stop!

2.  If "Two Broke Girls" wins an Emmy or an award of any sort

That show is not funny.  It is people on a stage hurling one-liners at each other that can't even be connected into a meaningful conversation.

3. If Libraries shut down

I just bought my first book off of Kindle for my iPad.  I feel like such traitor.  I LOVE to read.  And I love books.  I get a sense of vertigo thinking about what the next 20 years brings for the world of actual books.  I can't think about it.  I need a distraction.  I need to go read something.  Where's my iPad?

4.   If Snooki turns out to be a wonderful mother who home schools her children and writes columns for Focus on the Family

Good for her.  But I will save up my canned good and go off the map and live in the remote hills of Arkansas.  It is a sign. I cannot live in that upside down world.



5.  If a powerful nation elects a leader who is wildly popular and brings with him 3 1/2 years of world peace, including a halt to the trouble in Israel


Well, that one is real.  But RIGHT before that will be when Cadbury, Hershey, and Mars all announce on the same day that all chocolate will now be made with vegan products and will, after each bite, leave a subtle suggestion of carrot.