I'll Never Be Like That

I was on Facebook...my cyber home away from home...a while back, doing my part for humanity by being "fully aware" of all new status updates (its an important job!), and came across a post that gave me pause.

It was by a lovely lady that is much younger than I who has done actual great things for humanity.  She had been in a Starbucks and said something to the effect of, "I am sitting behind a bunch of moms in their track suits and perfect ponytails all sipping lattes...I will never be like that."  All of her friends rushed to agree.

Yes!  Such small minded individuals these track suited women!

Worthy of our contempt...don't they realize that there is a world out there for the taking?  A day to be seizing??

Well, now lets just stop and think.  In the form of a list.  Because that's how I think.

1.  Of course, this lovely young thing herself was in a Starbucks sipping a latte or what have you sooooo....just curious...you know...like, how her latte sipping was morally superior...but, that's just me.  I'm Judgy McJudgerson at all times, I fully admit.

2.  We have ALL said "I will never be like that" when looking at The Moms at the mall or The Moms on our street or The Moms in our house.  Give it time, Little Lovely Young Thing...because time will indeed have the last laugh.  Trust me.

3. Let's discuss the "bunch" of moms.  Consider, Lil Lovely Young Thing, that moms spend all day with babies and toddlers with no one to talk to.  This "bunch" need each other.  Desperately.  Just to stay sane.  Yes, you are right.  They are not out negotiating peace in the Middle East or feeding the starving children in Africa.  But once, they were LLY Things too.  And they did those things, perhaps.  They were teachers, maybe.  Or even missionaries.  Or people with normal business jobs but people of influence nonetheless.  Or they were world travelers, authors, nurses, doctors, honestly...pick an important job...that "bunch" could've been one of those.  But, when its time to do the right and natural thing and have babies, they made the supreme sacrifice and gave it all up.  To be The Great Influencer of the home.

4.  On to those darned track suits that hold your complete disdain.  These Influencers  need to bend over a thousand times a day.  They are also still trying to lose that baby weight.  You WILL BE THERE someday, Little Lovely Young Thing!  And, that perfect ponytail...i'm not sure how having an imperfect one might feed a child in the slums for a day...but either way, its her "going out" ponytail.  She gets kudos for having it look that good!  Its a hard life, being a Mom.  Young Things, please show respect.  Your ponytail may NEVER reach that awesome perfection when you have 3 kids underfoot so pipe down about it.

5.  I know, I get it.  Someone could see me in Starbucks and think the same thing.  But, did you know that I love classic literature?  That I have set foot, at least, in ever State other than Alaska, in my lifetime...most of it touring with a drama team all over the country?  I'm proud of that.  Did you know that I am a compassionate person who, while my world is very small right now, tries daily to find ways to make it a better place and show the love of Jesus to those around me?  That Mom you see...maybe she just lost her father.  Maybe she's comforting a friend who is unsure about a big move coming up.  Maybe she is a human being who feels the loss of that amazing World-Saving life that she may never get back, but wouldn't trade those pudgy peanut butter-covered faces for anything. 

6.  You WILL be like that someday.  That Little Lovely Young Thing is herself getting closer and closer every day to being in that "bunch of moms".  But, you know what Young Things?  I'm proud to be that Mom.   I'm proud of my little brood.  And, so what if I need a little mindless talk with my friends and some much-needed caffeine.  There is still alot of time to Save the World.  Not only for me, but for my children.  But they will be better at it than I.  Because I am in a Track-suited, Highly-Caffeinated, Club of Great Influencers.  And, when it is your turn, all will be forgiven.  In fact, we've saved you a seat Little Lovely Young Thing.  Because, trust us, you will need all the help you can get.

Things I Love: GOOD Christmas Songs

Okay, after ripping on some of the more tacky of our festive songs, I should probably tell you some of my favorites.  I would also love to hear yours!  Mine run the gamut of the sacred/secular and contemplative/cheezy scales.

1.  Hark the Herald Angels - Like many hymns, it took me several years to really understand the importance of this song.  The melody is very sweet and lyrical.  Almost like a children's song . But do not be mistaken.  The verses guide you through the most important tenets of the Christian faith.  It is a beautifully singable song of deep theological meaning. 

Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth

This is basically Philippians 2 in verse form.  And, yes, I am proudly "one of those" that believes utterly and completely that Jesus did "lay His glory by" in order to step onto our sinful earth.  Born to conquer death. Wow.  Please don't be pacified to sit back and sing this as if you could easily transition into Jingle Bells. Great song.

2.  All I Want for Christmas is You - The Mariah Carey version all the way!  I know, its a departure from  a hymn about the Incarnation, BUT, come on!  I can't help it.  I have to sing every word.  And each year my goal is to achieve one more impossible Mariah Carey trill as she sings the entire musical scale in 6 seconds. It will happen!  

3.  Linus and Lucy - From Charlie Brown's Christmas...and again...now I feel so lame listing things other than songs about Jesus...but I just adore Vince Guaraldi, the composer of that special.  He is a genius.  I can't think of another children's cartoon Christmas special with such magnificent music.  If I could play this song on the piano I would be happy.  And, if by some Christmas miracle, my husband suddenly learned to play this on the piano for me...um, yeah...that would do it for me.  No joke.  Also, each year I have a new favorite dancer from that song.  This year, it is the girl with the Naturally Curly Hair.

4.  What Are You Doing New Year's Eve - They play this alot on Sirius XM's Holiday Traditions station.  I love it because it reminds me of that super romantic and intense phase of a relationship where you have fallen hard for someone.  This couple in this song probably met at Thanksgiving.  So awkward!  And now, they know they are special enough to each other to spend New Year's Eve together, but of course they have that midnight kiss to look forward to.  You say yes to that date and you are saying yes to much more.  Couple that with the sultry lyrics and music and I get swoon-y every time.

5.  I Heard the Bells - The story behind this song is compelling.  Side note:  pay attention to your old hymns.  Its easy to think, "A song about bells...wow, how cheesy", but do some research.  Think about the words of these types of song.  Let them steep in your brain for a while.  They are a treasure.   Anyways, here's the deal.  The author lived during the Civil War.  It was a dark time.  The quick victory was now stretching into years of turmoil, destruction, death, and poverty.  No one wanted this thing to continue but the only way to make it stop was to keep going.  A truly miserable time for our nation.  Think of it.  Long lists were posted daily of the newly deceased.  Each day, you knew you had to go see that list, but to do so meant confronting the anticipation of seeing your loved one's name on that list.  Should they be safe one more day, you are still surrounded by the wails of wives, lovers, children, mothers and fathers who were not so lucky all around you.  The Bells tolled for the dead.   Here sits our author.  Hearing those Bells on Christmas Eve.  This time, tolling the forthcoming birth of Jesus.  But, the Bells have rung too many times to bring anything but despair.  However, somewhere in that despair, a thought...a truth is brought to mind.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men  

I sing those lines and I feel like I could do battle against an army of 10,000.   Its the rally cry of Christendom!  The disease, evil, and destruction of this world will not win!  Press on!  And to think, back at the time of Christ's birth...God had been silent for 400 years.  And then, with the cry of  a baby born in a dirty stable we can again say, "God is not dead!"    

And with that, I say Merry Christmas.  Bop to Mariah in your car, watch Charlie Brown's Christmas,  smooch a loved one, and may the Peace of God rule in your hearts this season!  

Dictator

This is a quick one.   You're welcome.

I have only one thought and that is this....

Kim Jong Il's son is NOT on my list of Dictators on whom I have a crush.

He looks like an Asian Augustus Gloop from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Yes?  No?  (Da?  Nein?) 

I feel like the only thing missing from his picture is a little bit of chocolate on his mouth and a trail of Graham Cracker crumbs on his shirt that his nanny forgot to wipe off.  With any luck his over-indulged butt will get stuck in a tube of chocolate in a land without helpful Oompa Loompas.

Stunning CNN commentary this is not...but I think my thoughts still have veracity.

I added the word "veracity" so that your IQ wouldn't plummet too much from having read this post.

Again, You're Welcome.

Christmas Songs: I won't go until I get some

(tee hee...I said "get some")

Ahem...

Christmas songs are great.  Most of the time.

They are glorious declarations of the season.  At least, some of them are.

Christmas songs warm the heart.  Although, now that I think of it, some also curdle the brain.

A time-honored English carol, sung by several generations, reminds us that so much as changed and yet so much is still the same.  Except when the English Paul McCartney wrote "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" and caused me to accidentally swear a little in my head.

Let's face it.  We have a love/hate relationship with Christmas Music.  I'll save my favorites for another post.  For now, here are the songs that I straight-up loath and those that I like so much in spite of myself that I am filled with self-loathing.

Christmas Songs That Make Me Want to Stab Myself with a Blunt Candy Cane

I get through this song by picturing these as the Christmas shoes

1.  Christmas Shoes -  For....REAL!  What was this guy's problem when he wrote this song?   Total emotional manipulation.  Also, if I were dying in the hospital and suddenly I had to be like, "Honey?  Where's our son?"  I would not be the first person dead in that room....like, I would KILL my husband!  So, son, you might as well try to con a store clerk and naive stranger into some shoes for your Dad, as well.  Size 11.

2.  Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time - Its weird.  Its like if aliens from Mars embraced the hippy culture of the 70s and wrote a Christmas song about it.  Those weird little synth noises in that song creep me out.

3.  Self-Righteous Songs about Starving People - My new definition of Self-Righteous is:  Getting mad and writing a song about world hunger and how everyone else is The Worst because we forgot to tell Bono personally that we are actually giving money, sending donations, caring about our fellow man, etc. No one wants to feel like a jerk at Christmas.  Plus the line about "Do they know its Christmas time at all" bugs me because, well, if they are of non-Christian descent, then no...they don't know...and they don't care.  They are just hungry. Until my money gets to the proper Bono-less relief worker, that is.

4.  Drummer Boy - This is rife with irony.  One time, my family ate at a 1950's themed diner in Grand Rapids, MI (holla!).  We picked Drummer Boy on the juke box at our table.  The man behind us began furiously writing on his notepad...its was weird.  The next day, there was an editorial in the newspaper about a guy who loathed the family that chose this song at the diner he was eating at.  And now, Mr. Reporter, I get it.  So much Pa-rum-pa-pa-pumming!  And, again, it doesn't make sense!  There were not drummer boys at the Nativity, and if there were, I'm sure that would be the second mother in this blog post that would be doing some killing.  A sleeping infant's manger is a No-Parumping Zone.

5.  12 Days of Christmas - I have a Christmas CD that has a scratch during this song that makes it skip at least 4 days.  I could not be more thrilled

Christmas Songs that I Kind of Like but Kind of Loath Myself for Liking

1.  Last Christmas - Wham! (George Michael).  I'm sorry.  But I super duper love this song.  I sing every word at the top of my lungs while driving.  My favorite thing is the weird way he says his words:

Last Christmas I "gev" you my heart

The very next day, you "gev" it away

This year to "sev" me from tears

I'll give it to someone special

2.  Grown Up Christmas List - Many Artist in Whom I am Disappointed.  BUT!  I have just this year found the secret to enduring this song.  Singing, very loudly, your own grown up christmas list.  Things like:

No more crying in the dark!

Won't get attacked by sharks!

And peopewillfinallypickuptheirdogspoop in the park!!!

3.  Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer - How gauche.  And yet...I find myself giggling every time.

Oh, Neil don't look at me that way, I'm sorry!

4.  You Make it Feel Like Christmas - Neil Diamond.  I yell, "YES!!!!" every time I hear this song.  My siblings and I have an entire routine to this horribly cheesy ode to schmaltz. 

You make it feel like Christmas

Even when things go wrong

I hear the sound of Christmas

In your song

(what does that even MEAN?)

5.  Snoopy's Red Baron song - I just don't...really...get...why...this...is...a...Christmas...song.  NEVERTHELESS!  I somehow find myself getting wrapped up in the scintillating narrative.

Ta-daaaaaaaaaa!  That's it!  Yankee Peach's exhaustive list of the Worst, and Guilty-Pleasurest Songs of Christmas.  What's on your list(s)?

Things I Love, Part 6

Let me cut to the chase.  I love CeraVe.   Its changed my face.

Back Story Time!!!  I managed, during my teenaged years, to not struggle with acne very much.   During my pregnancies in my twenties, I had constant breakouts on my chin and around my mouth.  So nasty.  These came back about a year ago.  My skin routine was always the same, lots of Clearasil and anti-acne moisturizers, etc.  My goal was to strip away all the oil, leaving my skin with that squeaky clean feel, like after you clean your Tupperware and rub your finger across it..you know that sound?  Like a "uree, uree"...maybe that's just in my brain...

SO, then about 6 months ago, I decided that on top of having acne like a middle school student, I am also old. I start experimenting with those age reversal lotions with retinols in them.  These severely irritated my skin to the point where I would have to take a Benadryl every night just to keep my eyes from swelling up.

Luckily for me, I have a dear, sweet, beautiful, smart, and gracious friend who is a Physician's Assistant in the Dermatology field.  (You should really all get yourself one of those).  I sent her a text with a nasty picture of my eyes, asking for help, and expecting to hear that I would need to spend hundreds of dollars on specialized lotions to get the results I wanted.

Nope!  She recommended CeraVe.  Available at Walgreens, Walmart, and other such stores.

I was hesitant at first for two reasons.

First of all, I am cheap.  I bought the big Hyrdating Cleanser, the AM lotion and the PM lotion, per my friend's instructions.  Total, it may have cost me $40 at Walgreens.  To most of you, that's a good deal, but as a Midwest girl of Dutch descent, I don't like to spend $40 on anything.  However, these are not the tiny 1 oz. Oil of Olay containers.  Mine have lasted since August and I still have not had to run to the store for more.

Secondly, it was all moisture-based!  CeraVe proudly promises to protect your "moisture barrier"!  What?  This did not sound like a product for a pubescent, aging lady in her 30s.  Creamy cleansers were for wimps.

But my friend is smart and her skin is flawless, so I gave it a try.

Oh. My. Gosh.  It was awesome!!!

Results:  My skin is luminous.  My eye irritation is completely gone.  My face no longer looks red and irritated, as I also have mild rosacea.  AND...wonder of wonders...within a couple weeks my acne was completely cleared up and has never come back.  Any random spots are quickly cleared up, but I can usually trace those back to 4-year-old peanut butter hands touching my face.  And, something I wasn't expecting, the scars from the very harsh blemish cream that I used are not nearly as noticeable.  My skin seems to be repairing.   My sister has since started using it and also gives it rave reviews.


Why it works:  Okay, Science Time.  Most of this is courtesy of my smart, beautiful, P.A. friend.

Your skin, on a microscopic level, looks like a brick wall.  A new, pretty brick wall has straight lines, no cracks, no moisture getting into the bricks to damage them.  That is because of the mortar between the bricks.

The "mortar" of your skin is your moisture barrier.  It gets damaged all the time by genetics, exposure to the elements, and things like harsh skin products.  Your skin begins to look like an old brick wall.  Pretty scary.  With the mortar gone, cracks form, and foreign things like bacteria can get into your skin, which cause irritation and acne.

CeraVe has ceramides and lipids in it...these make up that precious "mortar" in your skin.  Using CeraVe has restored my moisture barrier and allowed my skin to heal from some of the damage I'd just done to it with all the chemicals I was using.

Now, it will NOT reverse aging.  It is "anti-aging" in that it will drastically slow down the process, but your genetics and past sun-exposure will require the help of a Dermatologist or some of those age-reversing lotions in stores.  However, CeraVe will help your skin look smooth and keep that supple, healthy look that most of us thought we'd lost forever.  I didn't realize that many of the "wrinkles" around my eyes were just my skin's cry for attention and moisture.  And, if any of you struggle with adult acne, this stuff is absolutely wonderful.

You will need:

Hydrating Cleanser - it comes in a foam, too, but I use the one that goes on like a lotion.  It takes some getting used to if you don't usually use creamy cleansers.

AM Lotion - this stuff REALLY slows down the aging process with its built-in SPF 30 Sunscreen.  It doesn't feel like a facial sunscreen, though, which is a relief.

PM Lotion - my favorite.  Its a great way to end the day.  You can almost feel your little skin cells saying "thank you"

If you have any questions about the products, let me know!  If I don't know the answer I will ask the Dermatologist P.A. that I keep in my pocket. 

Things I Love, Part 387

Four Christmases ago, I had an idea.  I was going to go house-to-house and pass out Christmas cookies.  This may seem like no big deal, but it was a very strategic and advantageous move on our part.

We had just moved into our house in October.  Having only moved from Michigan 6 months earlier to Atlanta, we were still trying to connect to the area.  It wasn't "home" yet.

In fact, my husband and I had moved several times before settling here.  We are nomads by nature.  His parents were in the military and my parents were in the ministry.  Both careers are a "family business" and often require a move every couple years.

This year's cookie cornucopia

In our eight years of marriage, we had moved seven times...not including a couple move-ins with my parents between houses.  Feeling settled and "connected" takes time, and we rarely had that opportunity.

So, you see Christmas Cookies are a "Thing I Love" because it allowed us to quickly get to know our neighbors.  I highly recommend it, even if you've lived in your neighborhood a long time.

And, it doesn't have to cost you a fortune.  That first year, I did my Mother-in-law's peppermint bark and my own peanut clusters.  Those bless-ed peanut clusters make 110 to a batch, so its alot of bang for your buck. I don't get fancy with the containers...just plastic or paper Christmas plates wrapped in saran wrap.

We have a huge neighborhood, so I am forced to relegate myself to the 14 or so houses in our cul-de-sac.  But, that first year, I instantly knew 14 neighbors.  I knew who I was waving to as they walked their dogs.  I knew their husband's name.  I learned about some different cultures and the different religious views in my little 14 house world.  And we've continued the tradition every year.

This year, think about going out of your comfort zone.  Its always a tentative feeling between ringing the doorbell and the neighbor coming to the door after they realize you are not a polite burglar.  But its so worth it.

Here's my two faithful recipes.  I've since added candy canes dipped in white chocolate with red sprinkles, stain glass cookies (not for the faint of heart), and either hershey kiss cookies or triple chocolate peppermint cookies.  But, if you are just getting started, here's some help:

Chocolate Peanut Clusters
Put 1 bar of German Chocolate cooking chocolate, 48oz. Almond Bark, and 12 oz. semi-sweet chocolate chips in a crock pot. Cover with 16oz. dry-roasted UNsalted peanuts and 16oz. dry-roasted salted peanuts. Put the lid on and set the crock pot on warm for 3 hours. Don't stir it. Don't lift the lid, don't do anything!! When the 3 hours are up, just stir it all together for a couple minutes until everything is completely melted and mixed together. Turn the crockpot off and spoon onto waxed paper and wait for it to cool.

Georgia's Peppermint Bark 

1/4 bag peppermint candies, crushed (you can also use candy canes...really, just mix in as much or as little as you like)

1 lb. bag candy melts (at Michael's, but they are expensive.  I use Kroger white chocolate chips to great effect.  Just make sure the chips have cocoa butter in them.  Don't use "chocolate flavored" stuff.  Keep it real)

1/4 tsp. peppermint flavoring

Crush peppermint with a mallet into small pieces.  Melt chocolate in a microwave bowl for 1 minute.  Stir.  Repeat for 30 seconds until melted.  Stir in flavoring and peppermints.  Place wax paper on a cookie sheet, then spread mixture on the was paper.  Put in fridge until cool  Cut into bit-size pieces.

 Okay, technically, they are not "Christmas Cookies"...but no one is going to complain.

Merry Christmas!  Happy Cookie Eating!

Legit-ism

Do you guys know Ayn Rand?  The author/philospher?  She wrote an amazing book called "Atlas Shrugged" in which she revealed her take on life, which she called "Objectivism".  The book showed how her philosophy played out in every detail of life in America.

Well, I have news today my friends.  Not only have I shamelessly likened myself to Oprah due to the vaguely moderate MASSIVE appeal of my blog, but am now ready to join Ayn Rand in coining my own world view.  It is called  Legit-ism.  I just want things to be Legit.

I know what you are thinking, so here you go, get it out of your system...

And maybe..

Okay, back to business.  Legitism means that I don't like stuff unless its Legit.  It manifests itself in many facets of life.

Interior Decor  

My house is not very decorated.  I'm not saying its poorly decorated, but I do NOT want to go to Target, buy a box of 3 wrought-iron swirly things with no point to them and  hang them on my wall to take up space.  I want the things in my house to have meaning.  And, since I've been home with babies for 6 years, there isn't much there yet except for construction paper butterflies stuck to my wall.

I do not believe that, just because I like Tuscany, my house should look like this...

If my house is going to have yellowed plaster, its because I live in Italy in an 800 year old chateau, with windows draped in real grape vines brought in from our latest harvest.


The Tuscan needs to be Legit.

My house is so bare....so very very devoid of style...because I'm waiting for Legit things.  My carpet is old.  I have white Florida Retirement Home-style tile flooring in my kitchen.  Why?  Because even though I COULD afford some variation of wood flooring, I'm holding out for wide-plank walnut floors that have just been hand crafted from a local walnut tree..orchard...do they have those?  Not particle board or veneers...wood.

Basically, because I have SUCH Legit and exquisite taste...I don't actually own anything.

I try.  I see random wooden vases in a type of Modern Aboriginal Fusion style in TJ Maxx but I just can't.  I've never been to Australia.  Besides, those things are made in South Korea not by a man in a loin cloth from the outback.

Fashion

I will be so angry if this pattern does not go all the way around

I do not own as many clothes as I would like.  Because, again, they need to be Legit.  A shirt is not Legit if it has a pattern on the front but it does not go all the way around to the back.  With some things that makes sense, but you know what I mean.  A nice flowery pattern when I look at myself in the mirror and then a blank canvas on the back because someone was too cheap to think it mattered.  Why wouldn't I want to look good leaving?  And I also will not buy a V-neck shirt that has that tiny triangle of fabric sewn into it as if there is a camisole underneath.  No.  Not Legit.

My prized wardrobe possession is a fisherman's sweater from Nazare', Portugal.  Its huge on me, but its the sweater that they actually wear to keep warm while fishing.  I haven't dry-cleaned it in 11 years because it still smells like Portugal.

 Hair

Britney Spears started the "Sexy, Messy,Homeless Person Ponytail" trend several years ago.  Its still big out here in the Atlanta burbs.  I can rock the track suit at Kroger, but my homeless ponytail is truly repulsive.  Why?  Because if I actually have to take 30 minutes to achieve a Messy Ponytail...its...not...Legit.

Stoners

I was an anomaly in high school.  Totally uptight evangelical christian girl, but most of my friends were stoners.  My husband and I were talking about this the other night.  His high school stoners wore plaid shirts from Abercrombie, drove BMWs and used "Bed Head" hair product to achieve that grungy nasty look.  Psh.  I bet his stoners even wore underwear.  MY stoners, were actually grungy.  Like, as in, they didn't "shower much".  Their clothes were awesomely old, some actually handed down from their hippie parents.  Their hair was long, shaggy, and my friend Matt had the dreads of a god.  You hopped into their cars and they had that musty incense smell.  I may not have approved of their lifestyle choices and may have been very astounded that they liked me, but they were...say it with me...Legit.

I didn't mean to follow the days-old, momentarily-honored tradition of Legit-ism, its just a product of how I already live!  I find myself complimenting something by saying, "Wow, that's Legit!"   If I hear a song on the radio that is not over-produced, has soul, and obviously some very talented musicians, declaring them "Legit" is the best compliment I can give!

The list goes on and on.  Literature, Music, Movies, Souvenirs...don't even get me started on China Patterns!  I guess you could take "Legit-ism" and think I mean "Snobbery".  Its just that in a "Faux World", I'm ready for some authenticity.  It may be in people or in the antique suitcases stacked up to make an end table.  Those suitcases had BETTER be your great-grandmother's or I'll be just a teensy bit disappointed.

Be Legit.  Be Too Legit To Quit.  (there...happy now?)

Polite Conversation

I love people.

I do.

People are great.

What I really hate is small talk.

I'm terrible at it.

However, if People want to talk about their kids, their careers, their jewelry-making hobby, I'm fine with that.

But, a certain type of People drive me a little insane.  In fact, there should be a rule.  Well, I guess there already is one, and I would like to add my own spin on it.

"When making polite conversation, never talk about money, politics, religion, or...the weather."

I know, the weather does not ruffle feathers or start drunken family fights at Christmas parties, but I feel that I have some valid points, so hear me out.

Point Number One. Here's the thing about weather...who honestly cares?  That point stands on its own.

Point Number Two. Upon arriving at a party, its a given that we have all just been in the same weather.  We already know that its a crystal clear night or that it looks like rain.  As we all converge on someone's house, should we also talk about the road we were all just on?

"Oh, my, that is some really gray asphalt in your neighborhood, Charlene!  Did anyone else notice how gray the asphalt was?"

"Roger and I were JUST talking about Charlene's road and commenting on the color."

"Well, Jim and I were completely distracted by the smooth texture to even notice the color.  How did you keep your road from being too bumpy, Charlene?"

No.  We do not talk about the road.  And I propose the same be true of the weather.

I suppose the only exception to my "No Weather" policy is if you have a fantastic anecdote to share.  I love a good anecdote.  If you once had a tornado rip through your neighborhood or you were dismayed to find that, on your once-in-a-lifetime trip to Hawaii that it actually snowed, those are good stories.

But I know People guilty of only talking about the weather.  Non-stop.  For hours.

"My goodness, Charlene, its breezy today!"

"Oh, it is breezy you are right!"

"Would you say its as breezy as it was on Tuesday?"

"Well...let's think about that...Tuesday was a fair-to-moderate breeze, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it a wind...and this breeze today doesn't seem anywhere near that caliber."

"Hm.  True.  But..(small laugh because this is getting really interesting)...ha!...NOTHING beats the Breeze of '98!  Remember the Breeze of '98, Charlene!"

"Oh, ho ho hoooo, how could I forget!  That breeze made all the leaves fall of that Japanese Maple in the front yard...was that a Japanese Maple?"

Oh. my. goodness.  And, the entire time, you are forced to sit there and go "Ah!" and "Oh, really?" while slowly and methodically trying to pierce your own torso with a dull butter knife because the pain reminds you that you are alive.

Of course, one could turn The Weather into an acceptable conversation topic with a little creativity.  Perhaps if we added a conceptual or metaphysical spin to the weather conversation?  Maybe questions like:

"So, Charlene, tell me, as a breeze expert...what separates a breeze from a wind, I've always been curious?"

Or

"You know, they say that every snow flake is completely different.  But, what if snow flakes were all exactly the same?  Does that change anything about your views on society?  God?  snowflake crafts?"

Yeah, you can talk about weather like that and I would be okay with it.

So, this holiday season,  please don't talk about the weather.  In fact, PLEASE explain to me how your politics are better than mine or give hints all night that your husband makes more money than mine does.  Its preferred over scintillating comments about the sudden drop in barometric pressure.