Why Germans? As it happens, I have Germanic blood flowing through my veins...or rather, shoving the Dutch and Irish blood out of the way to maximize efficiency.
I'm really only, like, 1/4 German. My mother's grandfather is 100% German. His name was Fritz. His son's name is Karl...with a K. German people are very efficient (ask my veins), have a great work ethic, are pragmatic sometimes to a fault, good with their money, oh...there are SO MANY wonderful things about Germans! They are also very confident in their own awesomeness....that combined with their faulty pragmaticism has lead to some, um, "issues" on the global scene in the past, but we won't bring that up. Because I'm German. And Germans don't look back. They just keep marching forward. With a little shove that's not meant to be offensive. Just walk faster, geez.
Germans size everything up very simply. Things and people are either "Weak" or "Strong". I have a lovely, warm, caring, beautiful family. All those little Dutch, Irish, and German qualities mixed together in beautiful harmony. But, somehow, just like in real life, the German side took over. As a result, I now think of things as "Weak" or "Strong", too. Really, "Strong" are just things that aren't a sign of "Weak"-ness. In our house, these were signs of weakness...
1. Saying that your feelings are hurt. You can say "that was a jerky thing to say!" or "that was rude!" But feelings are unsightly...like when guys in suits sit down and you can see their dark brown socks and a sliver of pastey white leg. You are to avert your eyes until the feelings have been tucked back under cover.
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| Pardon me, Dad, but your feelings are showing |
3. Watching Full House. Now, I'm not saying this is a universal German trait, but I am saying that it was not up to snuff and, therefore, the show was eliminated. Very efficient. Very pragmatic. Just saying. We'd sit there as kids, watching it, and my mother would walk in and say "This show is terribly written! Turn it off or turn the channel." Now, I know you are all thinking that my childhood must've been harsh. It wasn't! My mother is the most fun person I know. And, having seen a couple episode of Uncle Jesse and "Deej" recently, I have nothing but gratitude in my heart for being shielded from such atrociousness.
4. Little House on the Prairie. "That show is just written to manipulate your emotions." I rest my case.
5. Not showing up at Christmas/Bringing someone new to Christmas. Weak. And also the word "Dead" comes to mind. That is all you will be. End of story... Okay, there's more to the story. But one of the lovely thing about Germans is their strong, and I mean INTENSELY UNMOVING INABILITY TO FEEL ANYTHING ELSE BUT STRONG ALLEGIANCE to tradition. We did the exact same things every year. My Mom's family is hilarious. But, underneath the laughter, the jokes, the crazy stories and the fun, the tradition was there. Always. Same meeting spot to go up skiing. Same skiing place. Same hills to start of the ski day. Same breakfast, lunch, dinner spots. Same jokes and memories retold each year. I love it. But...decide you can't get off work? Decide a boyfriend is serious enough that he must be introduced at the Christmas Ski Extravaganza. You will get German-ed. :)
So, the next time you see a taller than normal, bossier than normal blonde person with crystal blue eyes. Just keep in mind "Be Strong". You will find favor with that German. If you go with "Be Weak and Try To Manipulate"...be prepared to tango...or polka. A deftly executed Polka for Power.
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