Lady Porn

Goodness!  Its been a while since I've written.  Sorry.  This Peach has had a bout of the flu.  Sunday, I had to carry on as if I did not want to rip out my own intestines and throw them down the toilet (just to save time).  All day, I kept telling myself, "If you can do this, you can get in your jammies at 6pm and watch Pride and Prejudice".

And that, my dearests, is exactly what I did.  Not the 6 hour  PBS version with the gorgeous Colin Firth and the super ugly Jane.

Sorry, PBS Jane

 My favorite is the Keira Knightly version, who plays a very toothy Lizzie next to an ethereal Jane, on whom I sort of may have a slight crush.

Movie Jane...sigh...

After a while, my husband came home.  I felt very self-conscious watching Pride and Prejudice with him right there.  Kind of embarrassed.  I found myself trying to act like I wasn't all swept up in the subtle remarks of the distant but love-sick Darcy.

And then I realized.  Pride and Prejudice is Lady Porn.

Talk about unrealistic expectations!

While watching that movie, I wanted to hit my husband on the leg and say things like:

"Why were you so friendly and open and honest and so stinking eager to fall in love with me???"

"What on earth possessed you to wear jeans and a T-shirt every day, instead of those breaches with the weird button on the crotch and those long jackets with the tall collars?"

 "Would it have KILLED you, while we were dating, to call me Miss Yankee Peach and to not touch me at all so that when you helped me into a carriage our hands 'zinged' with energy?"

"WHY HAVE YOU NEVER IGNORED ME FOR WEEKS ON END AND THEN ASKED ME TO DANCE THE QUADRILLE WITH YOU AT MR. BINGLY'S BALL?????"

How come our foreheads don't glow when they touch?  Hrumph!

As with the real stuff, Lady Porn is unrealistic and  unfair to the opposite gender.  So, the way to remedy this and to keep your head on straight, ladies, is to think of all the reasons why you should NOT want to live in the 18th century.



You could not own land or vote.

I don't even want to KNOW how girls handled their monthly "Lady Time" in 1789.

In reality, you would've gotten stuck with the clergyman, Mr. Collins...who is also your cousin.

If you even met your Mr. Darcy at all, you would probably just die 9 months after marriage in child birth.

No matter how rich and affluent you were, you still had to go potty in a chamber pot.  

Billowy night shirt/polite, brooding pirate clothes

So, if you are "in the mood" for a little Pride and Prejudice this week, just take it easy on the man in your life afterward.  He may not ride a horse or wear those white billowy night shirts that they just tucked into their breaches during the day to look like a handsome genteel pirate (calm down, Sara, calm down), but he is still your hero in a million 21st century ways.  Cuddle up in your jammies, get a bowl of ice cream, and enjoy the 18th century in all its Jane Austen glory!