If you are tuning in for the first time, let me do a "Previously, on Sitcom Star..."
Sara, a world-class, sharp-witted blogger with the far-reaching ability to over-hyphenate her adjectives, suspects that her life is actually a sitcom. Too many crazy, kooky things happen for her life to be considered normal. Does Sara live a life that is not her own or are there other, deeper, extraordinarily disturbing psychological issues at work? You decide on...(cue my kind of funky and cute title sequence music that ends with me turning to the camera, smiling and shrugging my shoulders)...Sitcom Star!
We have already revealed the first two secrets of being a Sitcom Star in your own home:
#1- Have a Certain Level of Social Awkwardness
#2 Don't "Notice Things"
I was going to focus on having an Over-active Imagination, but I think those types of lessons are for later on in your season, when your show has the luxury to be more plot-driven. For now, its important that you...
#3 Assemble a Great Cast of Characters
"Seinfeld" was a hilarious show. But Jerry Seinfeld wasn't all that hilarious. It was Kramer, Elaine, and George that did all the work. Look around you and start noticing how incredibly weird, dorky, shallow, trampy, loveable, etc., etc., the people are around you. Character-driven stories are the best.
This starts out with choosing your spouse. My husband, George, is the Straight Man. He is the Ricky to my Lucy. He even has his own tag line. Where Ricky would walk through the door and say ,"Lucy! You got some splainin to do!" George comes home, sees the result of my hair-brained scheme, shakes his head and quietly says, "Crazy girl..."Looking for a great cast? Try your work place. My second government contracting job was at a huge company in McLean, VA. Right down the street from the CIA. Let me set up the characters...
Leo, my boss. Vietnam vet, retired Lt. Colonel, old curmudgeon, who told me in my interview that he was only interviewing me as a favor to a friend. Nice. He hired me because I am, in fact, awesome (that egotistical attitude is only a reaction to the bitterness from the interview). However, he acted like he hated my guts for the first year until I proved myself. Leo was tough, moody, had gout, and endearingly sweet, fun, and kind after that first year. However...this incident did NOT happen during the Fun Leo years.
Cameron, the admin. The crazy, wild, rebel. In a town that dresses like its constantly headed to some sort of business funeral right after work, Cameron wore big spiky heals, edgy clothes and sometimes some crazy shades of hair. Cameron was a hair stylist but was just doing this job for the health benefits. She partied alot, had a tender heart, loved kids and dogs.
Amy, the Super Admin. Cameron and I were both admins, but I was an Executive Admin. Amy was like the Queen Bee over all of us. Ex-Navy. Pretty sure Ex-Drill Sergeant. Very serious. Intimidating. She was kind but soft spoken in a way that made you think she might kill you later.
Christy, the friend. Loyal, sweet, unassuming, my sidekick at work
So, Sitcom Star Sara gets engaged. Yay! I go home to Kalamazoo, MI and find the perfect dress. The shop is supposed to ship it to my home. I give her my business card, though, because my work number was the best place to reach me if she had questions. Back then, cellphones were for emergencies and transacting important drug deals.
Fast Forward 8 weeks. I get a call from our Security office. The one that processes all the Secret Documents that come in and out of the building. Weird. I check in, get cleared, enter the Holy of Holies, and there, amongst documents that a Russian spy would pay good money to see, is a big ole box with a flowery address label with my name on it.
My wedding dress had arrived at my government contractor.
Naturally, I take it right out to my car, to be opened when I get home that evening...
WHAT?!? NO WAY! That doesn't make for good TV!
I, instead, run back up to my 7th floor office, slam the door and tear open the box. As I do, there is a knock on the door. Its Cameron. She calls down the hall to Amy. Christy pokes her head out of her office at the commotion and comes running, as well. We cram into my office and look at the dress.
"Ohhh, so pretty!", says Christy
"Its exactly what I would have picked out!" says Amy
"You should totally try it on." Says Cameron
What. No. I couldn't. BUT this is where the cast of characters is important.
The Rebel is egging me, the Good Girl Who Just Wants To Fit In, to try on my wedding dress. Amy, my superior in every way, thinks I should too. Between the Rebel introducing the idea and me sensing an opportunity to finally bond with Drill Sergeant Amy, I slowly come around to the idea.
There's only one problem...taking off my clothes. In my office. At work. With 3 women watching me. I glance at Christy, The Friend. She reads my mind. "Oh just take it all off, we don't care!"
Off it all came! On the dress went!
It was beautiful. But very low cut for my normal pre-funeral, government attire.
Then, in almost three part harmony, the girls chirp, "You should go show Leo!!!"
Oh my gosh.
We open the door to my office. I am in full wedding regalia. My three...bridesmaids?...are giggling and making a scene. As much as my life is a sitcom, I do NOT like making scenes. "Scenes" make me blush and cry.
I make the trek down the hall past Business Analysts, and Nuclear Disarmament experts, and Engineers, and Scientists, and Missile Defense Agency Lawyers, and land at Leo's door.
"Um, hey Leo...do you like my dress?" I ask, feeling...no, knowing...that this is the worst idea ever.
He looked up at me from his work, his eye twitched, he looked back down and said, "Fantastic. Now, are you going to wear that all day or actually do some work?"
Of course that's how it went. It couldn't go any other way with the characters in my life. The dress went back in the box. I threw my dignity in there as well since I wouldn't be needing it the rest of the day.
I spent all my effort the next couple days at NOT making eye contact with all the serious important people in my office, wondering why I was so weird and why I thought it was a good idea to flounce around my office in my big sparkly wedding dress. But, I did it. And, none of those normal women who only wore their wedding dresses on their Big Day have a fun story to share.
Oh, no! We're out of time again! I despise long blog posts...no one should think that highly of themselves. I was still hoping to get to #4 Learn Valuable Lessons and #5 Have Endearing Yet Neurotic Traits that Land You into Inexplicable Situations! I guess you will have to stay tuned...
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